BY SHANTÉ GROSSETT O'NEAL
In 2016, a Dove survey reported that at least 50% of women struggle with their self-worth. With all of our body positivity and self-love movements, why are so many women still struggling in this way? What are we missing? And, if you struggle with self-worth, what can you do to experience victory in such a difficult fight? What is self-worth and why does it matter?Self-worth, or self-esteem, is a sense of one’s own value as a human being. Simply put, it’s the opinions we have about who we are. Self-worth matters because we tend to live our lives based on the core attitudes and thoughts we have about ourselves. If we have a low sense of self-worth, we won’t truly be happy no matter what we do to try to fill the void. We all have an innate desire to be loved, wanted, and accepted. We were created that way. However, if we search for love and acceptance in the wrong places, we will always come up short. There’s no magic program, no motivational speaker, no new diet, no boyfriend, brand new clothes, or amount of wealth that can help us feel loved, wanted, or accepted if we don’t already know where our worth comes from. Where should we be finding our self-worth?If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. COLOSSIANS 3:1-4 Our worth is wrapped in who Jesus is and what he did for us on the cross. He died and rose to life to bring us freedom. We also died to our old life and rose to a brand new life in Christ. We are daughters of the God and king of the universe. There is a God-sized void in our hearts that only he can fill. This is why our hearts naturally desire to glorify God. The deepest parts of us know that we need God. The thing is, when we fill God’s space with other things, we come up empty because nothing else can satisfy the longing of our hearts like he can. Why do so many women struggle with self-worth?There are so many reasons why women struggle with self-worth. We sometimes struggle because of the pressures of society, high expectations from family and friends, childhood struggles brought into adulthood, or even the desire to please a significant other. The thing is, these are just symptoms of an underlying cause. We’ve put other things in Jesus’ place. Remember when I said there’s a God-sized void in our hearts only he can fill? Well, sometimes we unknowingly stuff other things inside and leave no room for God. He is the one we need. He takes us by the hand and teaches us about our worth according to his word. But, if we are consuming everything else but his truth, we will definitely struggle to find our self-worth. The question is, who or what are you putting in God’s place? It could be causing you to have a low sense of self-worth. I struggle with self-worth when I put my anxious thoughts about myself in God’s place. It mostly happens when I am surrounded by new people. I get nervous and I start to think about all of the possible ways I can say or do something wrong in the moment. I start to believe horrible lies about myself that do not line up with God’s truth. Here’s a picture of what my thought process looks like: They won’t like me. I’m not good enough for them. I won’t fit in. I won’t be accepted. What if I don’t belong? Truthfully, my struggle with self-worth in that moment quickly disappears when I stop focusing on myself. He deserves the glory, not me or my anxious thoughts. What is the cure for our struggle with self-worth?And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” MARK 12:30-31 I don’t think I’m the only one who’s struggle with self-worth comes from being overly focused on myself. We are often our biggest enemy in the fight for victory against a low sense of self-worth. If you notice, Jesus speaks often about loving God and others. He speaks very little about self-love. Don’t get me wrong, self-love is important but it’s also very natural for us. Don’t believe me? We’ll take any measure to make ourselves happy. We desire comfort and we love the status quo. We avoid pain and we seek instant gratification. The truth is, we naturally love ourselves, even if the love we have for ourselves isn’t the healthiest. If we want to practice true self-love and strengthen our sense of self-worth, we should put God and others before us. Think about it. If we decide to spend our energy trying to welcome others, we won’t have time to feel unwelcome. And if we try to love others, we won’t have to worry about not feeling loved. If we give to others, we stop worrying about what we lack. The less we focus on ourselves, the more we see Christ. What should you do if you struggle with self worth? Love your neighbor as yourselfAs I mentioned earlier, loving on someone else is a great way to win in the struggle with self-worth. You begin to think less about yourself and more about the other person, and suddenly, you’re no longer worrying so much about whether you’re enough or not. You’re simply trying to help someone else feel welcomed and loved. Receive God’s love Many of us are very familiar with loving others, and we love them well. Yet, we struggle to receive God’s love. If you struggle with self-worth, let go of everything that makes you feel like you’re not good enough and press into his love. The more of God’s love you receive, the more worthy you’ll feel as you begin to see yourself as he sees you. Read God’s Word The best way to receive God’s love is by reading his word. It tells about the sacrifice Jesus made for you by willingly laying down his life on the cross. It tells you of how far God would go to rescue you – he leaves the 99 just to find the one lost sheep. The Bible says that faith comes by hearing, and hearing comes by God’s word. The more you read, the more you will begin to believe. Your beliefs about God and what he says about you will transform you from feeling unworthy to knowing that you are worthy, always. Speak God’s truth until you believe itNext, speak God’s truth over your life. It’s not enough to just read it, you need to declare it too. The reality is, thoughts of unworthiness will come but if you declare God’s truth over yourself, those thoughts will not be able to overwhelm you. Remember growth is a process Growth is a process and you won’t be perfect the first time. You’ll fall down but simply get back up again. Keep trusting God to transform your thoughts and emotions to mirror his truth. The truth is you are worthy because God says you are. Spend time with him and let his words transform how you see yourself. Start loving God with your whole heart and start loving your neighbor as yourself. Give, serve, and welcome others. While it won’t be instantaneous, God will help you to recognize and walk confidently in the truth about your worth in him.
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She is a trauma and critical care surgeon turned writer and homeschooling mom. She is author of Lost in the Caverns (The Dream Keeper Saga). She and her family live north of Boston. On a recent ordinary afternoon, the sight of my daughter engrossed in a game of soccer moved me to prayer. At first, as I watched her fly across the field with her ponytail streaming behind her, her face flushed with determination, I swelled with gratitude for her instinct to live exuberantly in the body God has given her. Thank you, Lord, for her contentment. In the very next breath, however, worry flooded me. She’s eight, I thought. How long will her confidence last? Will she still race against the wind when her straight lines bend into curves? As her body changes, will she revel in our Lord’s craftsmanship — or will she curl inward, lifting her eyes only to cast awkward glances at the mirror? I lifted a new prayer: Father God, please let her continue to see the body that you’ve given her as a gift. Help her to live in her womanly body as one loved and redeemed. Help her, no matter how the years change her, to know she belongs body and soul to you. She Walks in Beauty?Throughout the ages, artists have celebrated the elegance and loveliness of the female form in verse, paint, and marble. “She walks in beauty,” Lord Byron wrote “like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; / And all that’s best of dark and bright / Meet in her aspect and her eyes.” While such lofty praise tantalizes and flatters, in our fallen world the realities of living in a womanly body are far more complicated. When God expelled Adam and Eve from the garden, he ordained that one of the most fundamental experiences of womanhood would be painful: “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children” (Genesis 3:16). There was a physical, corporeal consequence to our spiritual rebellion. Whether we bear children or not, that curse permeates life in a female body. “Our bodies echo God’s good work in uniquely creating women to nurture life.” The first inklings of trouble often surface in adolescence. As little girls, we race and climb like the boys, and for a few years we may even stand a head taller, thanks to our jump on the growth curve. Then puberty hits, and suddenly we swell in unexpected places. Clothes don’t fit quite right. Pimples dot noses, and hair darkens once-bare skin. In the face of unstoppable changes, insecurities bubble up and wash away our comfort in the body God has given us. While boys also stumble through adolescence, research suggests that the toll on girls is especially high. One UK study found that almost half of surveyed adolescent girls reported frequent anxiety about body image, compared with only one-fourth of boys. The finding mirrors previous research suggesting that girls experience more dissatisfaction with their appearance and weight. Unsurprisingly, eating disorders are more than twice as prevalent among girls as boys. Groaning in the BodyThe complexities of life in a female body don’t end with our teenage years. If God blesses us with children, we marvel at how he has equipped the female body to sustain and nourish life — yet we do so while swamped with pain, exhaustion, and insecurity. Pregnancy breeds anticipation and wonder — along with aching joints, three months of nausea, another three months of insomnia, and countless other discomforts as our bodies stretch and groan. (My personal favorite was a repeatedly dislocating rib, a gift from my daughter in the third trimester.) Then there’s the actual birthing process. Though lauded as magical on social media, in reality it’s painful, frightening, and fraught with danger for us, our babies, and our families. When those long-awaited newborns enter our arms, we cry tears of elation but also face new trials. If we can’t nurse, we feel like failures. The continuous needs of an infant deplete us. Tumultuous shifts in our hormones can leave us feeling desolate, even depressed. We stumble through motherhood, vocation, or both for decades, and then menopause hits. Our hair thins. Lines reflecting a tendency to laugh or worry permanently crease our faces. The baby weight that we promised to lose becomes a permanent fixture on our hips. A laundry list of medical problems piles up alongside a litany of advertisements that guarantee shiny hair and supple skin. Amid the deluge, we worry that we’re unattractive, undesirable — and no longer womanly. So, while we can say with Lord Byron that beauty marks our God-given bodies, the mundane and awkward features of living in them confirm that we still walk in a sin-stricken world. Wonderfully MadeAmid the mire of culture and social media, our aching muscles and unwieldy hormones, we can lose sight of God’s goodness. The truth is that, while fallen, our bodies remain good even as we age and change because God made them good (Psalm 139:13–14). He created Eve because Adam needed a helper: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). God’s call for people to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28) hearkens back to his design of women, whom he created to support new life. The value of our bodies, therefore, resides not in what we accomplish by our own hands — not in the litheness of our limbs or in the firmness of our skin — but rather in what he has done, and continues to do through us.Even if the Lord ordains that we remain childless, our bodies echo his good work in uniquely creating women to nurture life and to complement our male counterparts. Our minds work differently from those of men; while individuals vary, women overall have greater deftness in fine motor coordination, language skills, and memory, abilities that equip us to teach and guide those in our midst. While men have more muscle mass, our muscles more readily resist fatigue and recover at a faster rate, and we’re less prone to the effects of sleep deprivation. A woman’s body can endure the long, hard hours often required to care for others.Even more important than such differences, however, is how God has made men and women similar: he created both in his image, for his glory (Genesis 1:26). And he has redeemed both through the blood of his beloved Son, who is making all things new (Revelation 21:5). Means to WorshipChrist’s death and resurrection transform our relationship with every aspect of life, including our bodies. Rather than something to hide, bemoan, or idolize, the body is a means to worship. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?” Paul writes. “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20).As women redeemed, we aim for modesty, for holiness, and for good stewardship of our feminine vessels (Ephesians 4:22–24; 1 Timothy 2:9–10). For our call “to glorify God and to enjoy him forever,” as the Westminster Catechism puts it, manifests itself in the way we use our bodies, not just in how we focus our minds and hearts. “Rather than something to hide, bemoan, or idolize, the body is a means to worship.” We can, as Paul entreats us, “present [our] bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God,” resisting conformity to the world and committing instead to the renewal of our minds — and bodies (Romans 12:1–2). Rather than carnal spectacles for others to ogle, our bodies are godly gifts, entrusted to us so that we might worship him, glorify him, and walk in the good works that he has already prepared for us (Ephesians 2:10). Sure Hope for Frail BodiesFor the Christian woman weary of life’s physical toll, this news is cause for rejoicing. Our bodies remain good no matter the season of life through which we tread, no matter how we sag and ache, because Christ has made us new. The worth of our form hinges not on fashion trends, but on God’s one and only Son — who gave his life so that we might live, even as our bodies age. In him we are never misshapen, withering, or out of style. Rather, we are members of “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9). As we talk with our daughters, whether with little girls racing across a soccer field or with teens scrutinizing themselves in a mirror, the gospel informs our conversations and infuses them with hope. Jesus redeems not only our souls, but our bodies, and so we reassure them that their shifting contours have a God-given purpose. If Christ has made them new, they can shut out the imagined reproach of others and instead embrace their identity in him. No matter how awkward they feel, they were made women for a purpose. No matter how the world would chastise or pressure them, they are redeemed and made alive in Christ. And as image-bearers of the one true God, the female body in which they move and strive and love is very good (Genesis 1:31).
by Jasmine Patton (San Francisco bay area) We all have a picture in our mind when we hear the term “self-care.” One might imagine an early morning hike followed by a good cup of dark roast coffee while overlooking a sunrise. Others might think of taking a warm bubble bath with a good book or water coloring in the wilderness or dancing crazily when no one is looking. Some may think of self-care as pampering yourself with expensive spa treatments, makeup, clothes, and food at a well-deserved weekend away with friends. You might simply define self-care as nothing more than satisfying essential bodily needs, such as eating well, exercising, or getting enough sleep. Nevertheless, given these various perceptions of what self-care entails, it’s important that we understand its root rather than analyzing the examples of how it generally manifests in our minds. Join me for a brief history lesson. The History of the Self-Care Movement Prior to the late 1960s, the term self-care was a medical concept, applying exclusively to those suffering with great physical or mental aliments. However, during the rise of both the women’s and civil rights movements in the 1970s, the term took on a political identity as members of minority groups began advocating their need to take care of themselves as a result of the government’s failure to take care of them. These groups argued that they faced a greater deal of stress and anxiety compared to their white and male counterparts and therefore needed more care and opportunities for relaxation. Following the 9/11 attacks, the term emerged once again due to the large amount of people dealing with PTSD and related anxieties. Today, many people don’t realize the political history of the Self-Care Movement and often associate the term with luxurious, time-consuming or mindless forms of relaxation or rejuvenation. Addressing Stress Management In its essence, however, stress management is the underlying problem that self-care seeks to address. The proposed solution takes multiple forms, many of which are accompanied with a large price tag. Other solutions to stress may be less expensive but otherwise silly, or focus on the arts, food, or outdoor activities. What all of these proposed solutions share in common is their tactic to distract you from the stresses of your life. Yet, the means of distraction are often indulgent, selfish, and temporary. Sadly, when the activity is over and the credit cards have been run, your problems, stresses, and sins still remain. No amount of water coloring will make them disappear. The Bible and Self-Care Does the Bible address the topic of self-care? Not in the way the world conceives of it. The Bible never encourages us to use distractions to take us away from our problems or sins. Actually, Scripture always points you to repent, pray and look to the Lord for ultimate peace and contentment (Prov 3:5-6; Phil 4:11; Heb 13:5). What the world endorses as “self-care,” is often a carefully-disguised form of selfishness to help us escape from our problems.The Bible never encourages us to use distractions to take us away from our problems or sins. Nevertheless, the Lord does encourage rest, and we find multiple examples in God’s Word of what true rest involves and how it can be achieved. In this article I will address two different aspects of rest that Scripture promotes: physical rest and spiritual rest. The Place for Physical Rest First, there is a place for physical rest in the Christian life. God grants His children rest in the form of sleep and time off from one’s work. Psalm 127:2 says, “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved.” Relaxing sleep is both a gift from God and a continual remainder for us to rely on Him. It may be an easy thing to accomplish when you’re laying down unconscious for a third of your life, but the same principle should carry through in the other two thirds.Furthermore, God modeled the concept of resting one day a week in the creation of the world. In the Old Testament, He consecrated the seventh day of the week, known as the “Sabbath,” and did not allow His people to work on that day. “Six days you shall do you work,” God told his people, “but on the seventh day you shall rest” (Ex 23:12). Today, while the Sabbath has been ultimately fulfilled in Jesus (Heb 4:1-10), the principle of resting from work for one day a week can still prove to be fruitful and wise. Resting from our labors allows one to refuel, recharge, and re-enter the work week with renewed energy! However, it is important to remember that the purpose of the Sabbath in the Old Testament was to worship the Lord. Therefore, there is a strong correlation between rest and worship. Your rest needs to ultimately be God-centric, as opposed to you-centric. Godward Self-Care This Godward orientation is the main difference between the world’s definition of self-care and what the Lord defines as rest. Remember, the world’s idea of self-care found is built around the aim of distracting you from your problems or to give you an excuse to indulge, spoil, or pamper yourself. The purpose of rest as put forth in the Bible is to draw you near to the Lord in worship and adoration and to re-energize you to work more productively for the advancement of the Kingdom. “Do not grow weary in doing good,” the apostle Paul reminds us (Gal 6:9). I believe one very helpful way of not growing weary is by regularly resting as God intended. Furthermore, the self-care movement is only dealing with temporary “fixes” for daily stress, anxiety, and weariness. But God offers an eternal, perfect rest for one’s soul that is found in Jesus Christ. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden,” Jesus says, “and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt 11:28-30). In this passage, Jesus is referring to the rest found in salvation. Being adopted into the family of God and having your sins forgiven secures one’s eternal destiny in heaven. Faith in Jesus allows for ultimate spiritual rest and ongoing communion with the Lord as you walk through life’s challenges. This spiritual rest can provide mental rest as you “entrust [your soul] to a faithful Creator while doing good” (1 Pet 4:19). God designed the human heart to find rest and satisfaction in His infinite goodness. In fact, our hearts long for it.God designed the human heart to find rest and satisfaction in His infinite goodness. A helpful self-examination question is asking whether you are truly resting in Christ’s work on your behalf. Do you believe that your faith alone has saved you from an eternity of conscious torment, but at the same time try to add to it? In Galatians 3:2-3 Paul rhetorically asks, “Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” Essentially, feeling the need to “do good things” in order to add to your righteousness before God will lead us into very dangerous territory. The good news of the gospel rests on the foundation that Christ has accomplished everything in your place. If you find yourself completely and utterly exhausted and in continual need of “self-care,” I would encourage you to turn afresh to Christ and rest in Christ’s work rather than your own. Self-Care and Women But why has the self-care movement targeted women as their primary audience? I will offer two potential reasons, and I encourage us as Christian women to consider whether we have fallen prey to either mentality. The first is our current society’s perspective that women work too hard and therefore deserve a break. Yet, Proverbs 31:10-31 is clear that God expects a lot from women. Just from this passage alone we see a model of a woman who makes clothes for her household, works late into the night, wakes up while it’s still dark outside, runs a profitable side business, cares for the poor, and blesses everyone around her. That’s quite a woman! Today, however, women often feel burdened or exhausted by their daily work. I wonder how much of this exhaustion has to do with our mindset that we have too many responsibilities. If this is the case, we need to be reminded that God expects both men and women to work hard and accomplish much in the day. That’s the model. Yes, there are extenuating circumstances (such as illnesses) that may keep us from working diligently. But in general, we should experience some tiredness as a result of carefully attending to our daily work. The second reason why the self-care movement has focused chiefly on women is that many women don’t take the time to rest. Because the roles of wife and mother are often endless and necessary for the survival of their households, women feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to keep going and never stop for a break. I think this is a time when husbands and friends can be helpful in taking the reins for a short time to allow the hard-working woman to have some time to rest.Failure to regularly rest allows exhaustion to compound which leads to burnout and the constant lingering feeling of, “I just need a break.” This, in turn, leads to not working very productively or effectively. The truth is we all need rest because that’s how God created us. We have a finite amount of energy. We rest, therefore, not to be selfish or self-centered, but to refuel ourselves to work hard for our families, our churches, and our Lord. Conclusion The concept of self-care is, by and large, selfish and often rooted in escapism—no matter how hard its proponents may argue otherwise. It serves as a means of forgetting our responsibilities and literally doing anything to not think about one’s problems, sins, or worries. The Bible offers a very different answer, calling the weak, the tired, the burdened, the helpless, the overwhelmed to look to Christ, casting all their burdens at His feet. He is rest. He alone can heal the brokenhearted, energize the exhausted, strengthen the weak. Seeking Christ for who He is rather than what He can give you is one of the most restful things one can do for their soul. Don’t replace rest in Christ with getting a facial at the spa or going on a sunset hike. It is important to scrutinize every modern secular concept through the lens of Scripture, understanding its origin and manifestations and straining it through what God’s Word says. Thorough study can help you develop a deeper understanding of the Lord and His ways. And the one thing I can guarantee: you will always find His ways are best. Findings… by Rhea: The Addictive Word… Still! by Rhea B. Riddle I have wandered through the Bible, and I have taken definite paths when searching. I have been on listening journeys, and asking tours when I traversed the Holy pages. There are times I read in the middle of crowds, or alone in my bed. Often it speaks a personal word to me, just for me. Proverbs 30:5 (NIV) “Every word of God is flawless; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him.” Between “time worn” leather covers and new shiny paper-backs, I have been led to precious life giving manna that nourishes my soul. Its wisdom is my morning-starter, my day-keeper, and my peace at night. (Psalm 23:1) (King James Version) “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…” Within these pages I have gained a deeper knowledge of my holy and righteous Father God, my forgiving Savior Jesus, and the Holy Spirit who is as breath to me, the three in one glorious God-head! (Luke 3:21-22) J.B. Phillips “Jesus was praying after his own baptism, Heaven opened and the Holy Spirit came down upon him in the bodily form of a dove. Then there came a voice from Heaven, saying, “You are my dearly-loved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” Delving in to the scriptures causes a yearning for a deeper understanding of all things spiritual and can bring revelation ~ sometime in small doses ~ such as gaining understanding of the term “soul”: it being the vessel or the binder that holds together the body and the spirit within a person. Genesis 2:7 (The Message) God formed Man out of dirt from the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life. The Man came alive ~ a living soul! As a Christian, reading my bible helps me understand my spirit has been filled by His spirit and my body has yielded to His Lordship, my soul is now unified with God and I can reflect Him in my nature. 1 Corinthians 2:10-12 (CEV) God’s spirit shows you everything. His spirit finds out everything, even what is in the deep mind of God. You are the only one who knows what is in your own mind, and God’s spirit is the only one who knows what is in God’s mind. But God has given us his Spirit. That is why we don’t think the same way as the people of this world think.” These verses close with another truth revealed; “That’s also why we can recognize the blessings that God has given us.”* Reading my Bible is an ongoing treasure hunt; many gems are in the open and others have to be unearthed. I am never disappointed in my “findings”; I am gleaning more riches than I could ever dream. Digging is addictive; the deeper you get the harder you dig. It has been proved true “the richer you become the more wealth you want.”Colossians 2:3 (New Century Version) “In him all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are safely kept.” So, join me on this life~long reading adventure! You will find the way to joy unspeakable, love beyond measure, understanding, mystery, trust, and faith. You will learn of a God who sustains, a savior who intercedes, and a Spirit who is holy, who fills and fulfills. Walk the scripture path of discovery and receive sure and true guidance for your day and heaven for your eternity. Enjoy! Psalm 119:105 (New Living Translation) Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. |
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